Listening to: Sen no Kiseki Super Aria -Holy Saint
Playing: Tales of Xillia, and Defince
I’m so tired of the hand me down shit I get; sure the gesture is nice and all, mostly because no one else can take care of their things, so why do I get stuck with the left overs? I work for everything I have, so why must I, Me, get stuck with the remains? Is my work so fruitless that I get nothing for helping those I potentially care about? It’s enough that people are skeptical of my psychic capabilities; but get even more annoyed when I prove it. It’s just so tiring that people could doubt me; the man with the truth, and nothing but the truth, yet we get the immature assholes who cannot seem to remove their heads from shits’ creek.
But I guess that is just life. Life without the ability to express how I feel without people getting gender confused. I’m powerful, so why should I have “feelings” ? Why are these “feelings” so complicated? Am I just nobody to my common life? No one to anyone? Just some pale creep with a lack of personality at the cost of his individuality? But why a creep? I do nothing to endanger anyone, much less try to impede harm, I just want others to live happy lives at the expense of not hurting people, yet we still have domestic spouts, we have fighting, unwanted fighting.
Gender roles? What kind of bullshit is that? People decide how they want to be based on how they feel. So what if I feel strong yet is passionate? Wouldn’t it be against nature just to not feel just a bit? Yet… People act and feel as if it defaces a person, which in nonsense.
I guess I’m just tired with people showing the inability to think, yet I want to be useful, and when it comes down to “thinking” I wonder, what is my purpose if people scarcely need my aid anymore? It simply makes me reach a screeching stop.
The development of feelings is frightening. I grew up on medication that blocked personality and destroyed a part of my individuality, yet I am still recovering. I still have my close friends, such as Ashton(I wish people would stop being so spiteful of you…) , Reagan(Though we fight a lot, I still care about him.) Axel, Matt, Matty, Kayla, Cheyenne, Raily and Jesse. Yet, why is it at times I feel alone?
Some things I just don’t understand, me a person who understands everyone else better than his own self. I used to never care what others thought of me, every time someone exited my life, people entered in, so I was so used to the thought of expandability, it was all I known due to the idea of being a tool. But is this wrong of me? I always felt more like a tool than a person, so… Why should I suddenly feel? I just played the role I was given, yet I genuinely care about these people, I love each and every one of them.