ChristopherShuzen
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Go to My New Account!
1 min read
I do not use this account anymore. Of you have ANY interest in following me, my account is now MrSvent !
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Migrating to new account
2 min read
Going to be migrating accounts. To this one specifically. :iconMrSvent: The reasons for it are simple. "Christopher Shuzen" is a relic of an idea that happened over half my life ago. And it is no longer part of my identity. "Christopher" is just my first name, and "Shuzen" was something given to me to make my character or "Roleplaying Alias" more official. Cassius, was a concept that happened much later. But the point is. "It is no longer who I am online." And I am moving on from it. It's just that simple. I'll probably make the other account later tonight and post... my current stuff there pertaining to my character. So this account will still exist even if I never use it anymore. At Midnight, it will be my 26th Birthday. No, time does not fly. At least for me it didn't. And while I met a lot of wonderful people here... There is also the fact of. "There are some not some wonderful people." To dumb controversies or scandals that were simply untrue about me that mostly existed in smaller networks. And this DA... sorta stopped being part of my life. I moved on so long ago, and I stare at this as a relic of who I was, vs who I am. I'm just not the same as I was years ago. Hopefully to the few that read this of my 147 watchers, I hope you see this and know that you were wonderful for being here for so long. Directory to it is at the top. For now... Cya later space cowboy.~
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3-11-2019
10 min read
First Journal of the Year, and frankly I feel like ranting a bit for personal reasons. And for people who read this, I mean no disrespect, but I don't need keyboard warriors telling me they will go on a crusade for me if I vent a woe or two -- I'm 23, I'm very much capable of fighting my own battles, and living my own life, and fuck anyone who tells me I need to change, because I'm quite happy in life. If you're unhappy with everything, and you're not trying to fight for your change, then you fucking deserve to be unhappy. So don't whine if you're not going to do anything.
That being said, I want to start on a more personal note, a deep one. I've been in love with someone since I was 12. He was 15. And we always mutually loved each other and never anyone we were dating. Reality was... I didn't want my lover to look like a creep to others, so I made sure we dated others just for experience. And of course we wanted others happy -- even if we were both acting. We still care about others... But we just were not capable of loving others.
And this leads to another thing -- we went through the same medical treatments, and what not. So we both know what it is like to have muted feelings, and so on. Yet, we understand what it's like perfectly, so we click on a social level there due to "Yeah, medication on children can fuck with their heads and development." Who would have figured mind altering drugs could fuck with people?
We love to game together as well as do other things. Hell, he even spoils me. Got me a damn PS4 Pro, God of War Edition. A New laptop, and a Smash Bros Ultimate Switch for my birthday. Hell, I let him hold my money to that I make. Because trust.
Even my mom likes him being with me. So that should speak volumes.
So for everyone I may have hurt because of the "Yeah, me and Ben were kinda made for each other."? Sorry. And for people who are... well, into me I guess? Please, you should really save yourself before you get hurt... Not saying any names, but you all know who you are. It will never work. I've met a lot of delusional people, and I've met a lot of nice people, as well as those who had a hard time letting go. Kinda made me feel like Fiona from Haunting Ground because of it... Worst part is? Me and that guy never dated despite what he thinks. And I just felt like he always trapped me to a wall.
Like fuck, in High School, my Freshmen year when I was "Blooming", a particular guy peeked on me quite a few times in Gym when I was changing out of my swimming gear. I had this little hiding spot because well... Who would have guessed I was shy around people in my immediate vicinity. He later outed himself as bi to me in a very... creepy way. The kind that makes you try to back away, but paralyzes you with fear.
That being said, I want to start on a more personal note, a deep one. I've been in love with someone since I was 12. He was 15. And we always mutually loved each other and never anyone we were dating. Reality was... I didn't want my lover to look like a creep to others, so I made sure we dated others just for experience. And of course we wanted others happy -- even if we were both acting. We still care about others... But we just were not capable of loving others.
And this leads to another thing -- we went through the same medical treatments, and what not. So we both know what it is like to have muted feelings, and so on. Yet, we understand what it's like perfectly, so we click on a social level there due to "Yeah, medication on children can fuck with their heads and development." Who would have figured mind altering drugs could fuck with people?
We love to game together as well as do other things. Hell, he even spoils me. Got me a damn PS4 Pro, God of War Edition. A New laptop, and a Smash Bros Ultimate Switch for my birthday. Hell, I let him hold my money to that I make. Because trust.
Even my mom likes him being with me. So that should speak volumes.
So for everyone I may have hurt because of the "Yeah, me and Ben were kinda made for each other."? Sorry. And for people who are... well, into me I guess? Please, you should really save yourself before you get hurt... Not saying any names, but you all know who you are. It will never work. I've met a lot of delusional people, and I've met a lot of nice people, as well as those who had a hard time letting go. Kinda made me feel like Fiona from Haunting Ground because of it... Worst part is? Me and that guy never dated despite what he thinks. And I just felt like he always trapped me to a wall.
Like fuck, in High School, my Freshmen year when I was "Blooming", a particular guy peeked on me quite a few times in Gym when I was changing out of my swimming gear. I had this little hiding spot because well... Who would have guessed I was shy around people in my immediate vicinity. He later outed himself as bi to me in a very... creepy way. The kind that makes you try to back away, but paralyzes you with fear.
And I think my fear of physical contact comes from my Cousin trying to strangle me when I was 9. Yeah, three people were baby sitting, one was in high school, one in middle school, the other in Elementary. The Youngest one let him in a think, and then this 13 year old Cousin of mine was trying to strangle me. I could not move, and I felt trapped. So the idea of anyone putting their hands on me has been met with deadly reflexes...
Which is another reason I only trust Ben. Though I'm pretty sure he laughs at when I tease other Men. But he knows it is just harmless.
I love my Bean.
This aside...
Now we are getting to the Rant part I wanted to also get to. First part was clarifying something to others. This part goes into the type of people I cannot stand.
1. The person that speaks on behalf of others that does not need speaking for.
I love my Bean.
This aside...
Now we are getting to the Rant part I wanted to also get to. First part was clarifying something to others. This part goes into the type of people I cannot stand.
1. The person that speaks on behalf of others that does not need speaking for.
* Just do not do this. It makes you look like an asshole.
* People are very capable of speaking for themselves. Don't take away their voice on their behalf. I hate when people try to speak for me. Don't fucking do it.
* Don't try to advocate for something you're also not part of or have no understanding of it. You're a literal drone if you do. And frankly it's easy to laugh at you.
2. The Chad guy.
* Yeah, I don't care about your sex life. I just don't. Who would have guessed I care more about what you do in your spare times that isn't shoving your organs into another? Strange! I know!
3. "Oh, you must have been duped by who I disagree with because you don't align with my political ideas. Let me tell you what you need.~"
* You are literally the fucking worst.
* People are capable of being something outside of what you disagree with and still be a decent person. Being condescending to them just makes you an asshole. It is you just trying to weaponize them into what you want them to be.
* The "Us vs Them" mentality needs to die. It isn't productive and makes you far more enemies who otherwise would probably be your best friends.
* It's also awfully pretentious to assume what people need for themselves when you never had a day in their shoes. It does not make them "privileged" for not having to worry about somethings either.
4. "You must be Privileged."
* The Tone of my Skin does not make me privileged. I've had my fair share of racist picking on me because of my light tone.
* Having choice is what makes everyone privileged. So chances are, you too are privileged if you have time to tell others they are. And if you go "But I'm really not just because I can respond!" You are, and if you are not, then I too am in no ways privileged.
5. "But you're Cis."
* Bitch, I dealt with Gender Dysphoria growing up. It does not make me trans, And it sure as fuck has never ruled me.
* Reality is, you can grow out of Dysphoria without medication and the like. It's doable, but I'm not everyone, and you're not me by extension.
* And this isn't me saying you have no say to your body. You very much do, but don't fucking tell me how I have no idea what it is like to feel uncomfortable in my own skin or body. That would just be awfully disingenuous.
* By extension, I do not think kids should be worrying about transitioning until after school. You're far too young, people have thought of it when they were younger, acted on it, and regretted it. Just wait till you're older before you do a life and body altering decision. And be aware, it is really expensive. This is just a fact.
6. "You must clearly not like me if you disagree with me..."
* Stop. Just stop.
* Disagreement is a good thing in many situations because I would never want to talk to someone who just agrees with me 100% of the time, because it would be like talking to myself. Life would be so fucking boring...
* Also, it's one thing to disagree with an opinion. But if I can factually disprove something, it just means you're wrong. Get over it.
* I also do not have patience for these types of people because it consistently seems like it has to be a dramatic affair. Like you can never "Just" disagree with them, it has to somehow be an attack on them.
*It's also okay to joke and still disagree without it being a literal attack, you thin skinned fuck.
7. People who cannot handle being wrong, and by extension, the truth.
* I honestly don't think I need to explain this. It kinda goes with point 6. Like, some people cannot allow the fact they have error in something and freak out. And when you correct them with actual facts, they shut up like you just insulted and wounded their ego -- and it is actually on them in this case.
* Being wrong is not a world ending threat. Life will go on. And so should you. Just go enjoy yourself and the fact you can learn. It's part of life.
* Live and Learn. Just go do it.
8. Thin Skinned People.
* I don't feel like elaborating on this. But basically people who take shit way too seriously. Cannot handle a joke. Disagreement. Treat everything as you say as if it is an attack on them or you trying to talk down to them. Like seriously, I cannot feel sorry for you at this point.
* As a person who treats everyone equally, you have the same fairness as everyone else, and by that principle, you are not allotted special treatment. If you cannot deal with that, I will not deal with you. You will just be gone. I am too old to be dealing with you type of people.
* Seriously, don't let everything get to you. Y'all can shit all over things, but god forbid I say something you dislike you huge hypocrites.
9. People who let their Labels be everything they can only be.
* Basically, LGBT and Furry are not a personality trait. Don't use it as an excuse to be just horny.
* Being Gay, or Bi does not replace your personality. It just makes you the most boring person to be around, and I would rather Kirk Cobain myself than be stuck with your ilk. Like there is WAY more to being a person than just your sexuality, or a fan of something.
10. People who let a fandom determine who they are, and what they're allowed to like.
10. People who let a fandom determine who they are, and what they're allowed to like.
* I think this is pretty self explanatory. If you are part of something, it should never bar what you're allowed to like or dislike. It is just hive minded shit. It's okay to think for yourself.
* No seriously. Please fucking think for yourself.
Yeah, that is all I feel like venting on. If you're pissed off by this, then good. If not, that is swell.
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10-2-2018
1 min read
I hate my birthday, and the fact people want to celebrate it. Yet... It's around the corner, literally this Saturday.
Something about birthdays just makes me feel empty and lonely, and it's a feeling I hate having, and no one really seems to understand, but I get the "Oh, I do." No you don't.
You were not conditioned to try to justify being punished for literally anything that you have no baring with.
So to have this whole opposite polarity because "Yay, Chris was born!" just does not make sense to me.
I'm not special.
Something about birthdays just makes me feel empty and lonely, and it's a feeling I hate having, and no one really seems to understand, but I get the "Oh, I do." No you don't.
You were not conditioned to try to justify being punished for literally anything that you have no baring with.
So to have this whole opposite polarity because "Yay, Chris was born!" just does not make sense to me.
I'm not special.
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7-3-2018
5 min read
Last month was fucking weird on so many accounts.
I cut a cancerous person out of my life that managed to turn my bangs much lighter in places from his double standard bullshit I put up with for years. I'm not listing names. But I removed any, and all art relating to him.
He is only just one of the most spiteful people I knew, was a moderator on my YouTube channel. Encouraged me to do streaming more.And while that's fine and good? His Bi-polar attitude wasn't.
I swear, if I expressed opinions in my own chat? He could not decide if he wanted to crucify me or not. Like I'm not allowed to think for myself around him, but then says I should.
Buddy, your actions are saying the exact opposite of what you're saying. And it's frankly pretty deplorable.
Especially when it's universally agreed upon that people should voice what they wish in an Orderly manner, even if you disagree.
Yeah, disagreements are totally fine. But trying to dog someone down in their own chat isn't.
If I said something he agreed with, it was okay then. What do I mean?
"This game you happen to like, is okay."
What isn't to him? "I really don't like Kingdom Hearts that much."
And then he tries to crucify me. And he never shuts the fuck up, talking to me like I'm some oppressive force. I'm sorry to inform me, Mr.Dominant Personality. But me expressing how I feel in my own chat, about something you love, is not me attacking you.
And stating an observation about the Kingdom Hearts fandom, as "overly emotional", is also not attacking you. It is an observation based on how a loud portion conducts themselves. That isn't a dig on you, that is literally just how something appears to me.
You're perfectly in your right to disagree with me -- even if all you did was reinforce my point to where I had to eject you from the chat, because no one frankly wanted your toxic ass around. In fact, you were pretty oppressive to anyone you disagree with.
You can't call me oppressive, or act like I am, when you yourself, are exactly the very thing you hate. It's hypocritical, it's alarming, and it's draining to deal with. Like it wasn't enough that I put up with your hypocritical abuse for years, to sexual abuse, to straight up losing empathy.
But you tried so hard to dog me down. It's sad, it's pathetic, and frankly I'm tired of me making excuses for myself just so we can co-exist as "Friends".
But friends don't attack each other all the fucking time.
Me voicing critique of something you may love, isn't the same as attacking you. Stop defending things that don't love or care about you -- which are fucking video games and movies.
I'm just done with you.
Done with the fact you pulled a "Woe is me" in my chat when I was annoyed with sexual harassment.
Come talk to me with how life is hard, when people want to shove their dick in you without caring about how you feel -- oh wait, I'm too attractive to complain or have hardship in your eyes... Because you're not "Hot" like you think I am. So I guess that conversation will never happen. I never struggled in your eyes because I am "Hot" to you? So I was never homeless? Never attempted to be strangled by my cousin, never abused by people or ideas because I have the "Conventionally attractive" card?
You're just as bad as people who bitch about "White Privilege". Which is funny because you could essentially make an entire room out of all the games and consoles you collect. To all the games and "Beasty" computers you had made. Hell, from what I could see, you eat better than me, and then complain about your weight? Yeah, you REALLY do NOT have it hard. The only thing hard about you is your temper and blood pressure.
Fucking trying to nullify the reality of my problems because I look nice... What a fucking asshole.
You can argue with a smart person and have a reasonable conversation. But you can't argue with a stupid person.
Which is why I refuse to talk to you.
______________________________________________
Moving on, some creepy fucker on Twitter was trying to arrange for a three way with me and my boyfriend, and then got all mad when I said we were not interested.
Got angry when I told him I had no obligation to talk to him. Like sorry, but I don't want some thirsty faggot trying to bet between my legs with my boyfriend. I respect and love him, I've known him since I was 12.
I'm just not into that. I shouldn't have to be.
And then you try getting buddy buddy rather than apologizing for clearly making me uncomfortable? You have some nerve, and one I quite frankly refuse to deal with.
I'm just tired of living in the reality I owe people sex because I fulfill their criteria of conventional attraction.
I cut a cancerous person out of my life that managed to turn my bangs much lighter in places from his double standard bullshit I put up with for years. I'm not listing names. But I removed any, and all art relating to him.
He is only just one of the most spiteful people I knew, was a moderator on my YouTube channel. Encouraged me to do streaming more.And while that's fine and good? His Bi-polar attitude wasn't.
I swear, if I expressed opinions in my own chat? He could not decide if he wanted to crucify me or not. Like I'm not allowed to think for myself around him, but then says I should.
Buddy, your actions are saying the exact opposite of what you're saying. And it's frankly pretty deplorable.
Especially when it's universally agreed upon that people should voice what they wish in an Orderly manner, even if you disagree.
Yeah, disagreements are totally fine. But trying to dog someone down in their own chat isn't.
If I said something he agreed with, it was okay then. What do I mean?
"This game you happen to like, is okay."
What isn't to him? "I really don't like Kingdom Hearts that much."
And then he tries to crucify me. And he never shuts the fuck up, talking to me like I'm some oppressive force. I'm sorry to inform me, Mr.Dominant Personality. But me expressing how I feel in my own chat, about something you love, is not me attacking you.
And stating an observation about the Kingdom Hearts fandom, as "overly emotional", is also not attacking you. It is an observation based on how a loud portion conducts themselves. That isn't a dig on you, that is literally just how something appears to me.
You're perfectly in your right to disagree with me -- even if all you did was reinforce my point to where I had to eject you from the chat, because no one frankly wanted your toxic ass around. In fact, you were pretty oppressive to anyone you disagree with.
You can't call me oppressive, or act like I am, when you yourself, are exactly the very thing you hate. It's hypocritical, it's alarming, and it's draining to deal with. Like it wasn't enough that I put up with your hypocritical abuse for years, to sexual abuse, to straight up losing empathy.
But you tried so hard to dog me down. It's sad, it's pathetic, and frankly I'm tired of me making excuses for myself just so we can co-exist as "Friends".
But friends don't attack each other all the fucking time.
Me voicing critique of something you may love, isn't the same as attacking you. Stop defending things that don't love or care about you -- which are fucking video games and movies.
I'm just done with you.
Done with the fact you pulled a "Woe is me" in my chat when I was annoyed with sexual harassment.
Come talk to me with how life is hard, when people want to shove their dick in you without caring about how you feel -- oh wait, I'm too attractive to complain or have hardship in your eyes... Because you're not "Hot" like you think I am. So I guess that conversation will never happen. I never struggled in your eyes because I am "Hot" to you? So I was never homeless? Never attempted to be strangled by my cousin, never abused by people or ideas because I have the "Conventionally attractive" card?
You're just as bad as people who bitch about "White Privilege". Which is funny because you could essentially make an entire room out of all the games and consoles you collect. To all the games and "Beasty" computers you had made. Hell, from what I could see, you eat better than me, and then complain about your weight? Yeah, you REALLY do NOT have it hard. The only thing hard about you is your temper and blood pressure.
Fucking trying to nullify the reality of my problems because I look nice... What a fucking asshole.
You can argue with a smart person and have a reasonable conversation. But you can't argue with a stupid person.
Which is why I refuse to talk to you.
______________________________________________
Moving on, some creepy fucker on Twitter was trying to arrange for a three way with me and my boyfriend, and then got all mad when I said we were not interested.
Got angry when I told him I had no obligation to talk to him. Like sorry, but I don't want some thirsty faggot trying to bet between my legs with my boyfriend. I respect and love him, I've known him since I was 12.
I'm just not into that. I shouldn't have to be.
And then you try getting buddy buddy rather than apologizing for clearly making me uncomfortable? You have some nerve, and one I quite frankly refuse to deal with.
I'm just tired of living in the reality I owe people sex because I fulfill their criteria of conventional attraction.
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